The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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