you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
