I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
