awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
