Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
