Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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