3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i will never coherently bang her
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
