i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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