I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
