i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
