ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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