hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
