Say something about gay babies.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
