I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
They have beer where we have blood.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
