At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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