I feel like abortions should bother me more
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We have started to decorate penises.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
