i jhust puked up my retainher.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
