Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
