dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
