the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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