Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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