At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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