Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
