I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
