im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
