Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
