when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
