The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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