So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
