You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
