i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
