Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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