i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
