i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize