JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
