Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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