My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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