youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
