Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I have already put on my inside pants.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
