i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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