It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
