We won't sleep together?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
