I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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