She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
