Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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