I cockslap morals
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
