I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
