If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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