He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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