You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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