Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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