My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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