so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
