then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i now understand why vodka
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
