I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
