I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
