Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
