Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
