Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Randomize
