Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
