it wasn't lemon gatorade
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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