Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
