ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
