Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
