Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
ttyl tear gas
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
