unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
