Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize