I have demons in me.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
