Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
