anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize