That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
