Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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