I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize