I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
